Part of it is i think dahil i had stopped knowing myself at some point. Parang hindi ko nakikilala ko sarili ko. I had this feeling before at the start of the pandemic, I do remember. And I managed to pivot. Pieter was around.

And now... with the change of the position (Dean na ako ngayon), I had new powers and responsibilities, and while I was comfortable with assuming them, they were still new to me. I was driven by new desires and new senses of responsibilities. And perhaps blinded by the deference everyone seemed to treat me with.

And I stopped doing yoga. I mean, I also stopped yoga because I slowly got tired of it. And I stopped feldenkrais. And the gym.

And then I gained weight. Because I was eating too much, because I was intermittent fasting all wrong at times. And then I couldn't recognize my own self. I was a stranger to my own body.

How could FI someone when I didn't even know what I could do myself?